Congratulations to Travis Kelce, who this week learnt how to use a self-checkout machine.
The loveable himbo was alleged to have been filmed purchasing canned wine in a Sainsbury’s Local ahead of girlfriend Taylor Swift’s concert. Except–much to the disappointment of Capital FM listeners and 1.1 million people on TikTok—this wasn’t even Kelce. It was a regular member of the public, who just happens to share the same Brobdingnagian proportions–and the same taste in fleece jackets–as the sportsman. The whole thing was engineered as a marketing stunt for Nice wines.
Taylor Swift might have once enjoyed the unremarkable wonders of London–including but not limited to watching television in the pub while dating Joe Alwyn–but her standards seem to have risen since then. The musician was last night photographed exiting the exclusive Chiltern Firehouse–walking hand-in-hand with Kelce–where they had been on a joint date night with Sophie Turner and Peregrine Pearson until 4 a.m. I assume the couple were still riding high on Kelce’s brief cameo as a dancing butler-cum-make-up-artist earlier in the weekend. (And thus midnights became their afternoons etc.)
Swift was dressed in a crochet Vrg Grl minidress that retails for $119–because she loves a bargain statement–patent Gucci sandals and a Stella McCartney Falabella bucket bag with a Tiffany & Co. ring welded to resemble the shape of two T’s. (There will doubtless be a succession of think pieces published about that specific ring in the days to come. What could this easter egg mean?) Kelce, for his part, wore a Louis Vuitton bucket hat and neutral crochet separates. It is difficult to tell who might be dressing who here, but these two beach babes mercifully left the tie-dye shorts in the Bahamas.